I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
