I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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