god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize