I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
