So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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