i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
