That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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