i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
