in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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