I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
