Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
