I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm bleeding and have questions
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
