I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize