i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
