This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
