Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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