I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize