like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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