margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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