I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
