You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
