idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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