Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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