why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
