My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
