tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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