Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize