Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
