roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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