I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
