the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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