Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
