Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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