Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
