im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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