you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
