she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i now understand why vodka
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
