you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
