I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
