i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
