she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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