Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
