I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize