he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize