Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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