Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No I am not eating basil off your cock
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize