its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
