Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
