I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
