She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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