i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
