he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
