Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
