So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize