I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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