While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
