One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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