For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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