The maid of honor just puked.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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