ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
