i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
