I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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