I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
