i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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