Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
