I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
