Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
