i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The best revenge is premature balding
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
