I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
