The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
birth control should be required to get into college
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
