i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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