i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
