You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
